Ruby is 90 pounds of devastating beauty, ruthless social climbing, and weaponized side-eye. She prefers the company of humans — other dogs are beneath her. She answers to "Ruby," "Baloney Bones," and "Your Majesty." This is her official corner of the internet, and you're lucky she's letting you visit.
Certified Ruby Facts
- Bacon Slut Voted "Most Likely to Sell Her Soul for a Strip of Bacon" three years running. Will perform exactly one trick per bacon unit. No bacon, no show.
- HBIC Runs every room she enters. Other dogs? She doesn't know them. Humans exist to serve. She has not read the org chart but she is the org chart.
- Mean Girl Energy Will stare at another dog until it leaves the park. Has perfected the "you're sitting in my spot" glare that works on humans too.
- Pretty & She Knows It 90 lbs of show-stopping good looks. Stops traffic on walks — not because she's in the way, but because people literally stop to tell her she's beautiful. She already knew.
- Selective Affection Loves her humans with terrifying intensity. Will lean her full 90 lbs into you on the couch like a furry, judgmental weighted blanket. Other dogs need not apply.
- Couch Sovereign Has claimed the best cushion in every room. Maintains territorial control through a complex system of sighs, grumbles, and aggressive snuggling.
Pledge Your Allegiance
Ruby doesn't need followers — she has subjects. But if you bring bacon, she might let you sit on the floor near her couch. Terms and conditions apply. Ruby reserves the right to ignore you completely.